I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
