There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
