Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
