You can't motorboat a personality
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
