I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
