Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
