Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
