my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
why do cheetos always look like penises
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
