every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
