Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
