My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
