her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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