that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize