I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
