i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
