how do flat chested girls get laid?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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