I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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