If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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