No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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