I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
