i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
