Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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