This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
