So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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