You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
