Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
