i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
