I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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