If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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