Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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