Need sex. Gaining weight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
