My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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