Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
