I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
