i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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