I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize