How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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