I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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