i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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