the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
