Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
