just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
