This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
