According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
