Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
