im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
