READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
