i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
