I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
