So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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