Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
