Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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