tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they're like a gay fantastic four
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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