I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
