I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
