he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
