ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
