Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
