Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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