It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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