Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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